You attract what you’re like. Or what you allow. If ever there was a theme song for hairstylists, it’d be this. It’s been 30 years since I first stepped behind the chair. And now that I’m stepping away, attempting to create something new for the future, I’ve spent a considerable chunk of time looking back. When I was going down the rabbit hole of writing the now shelved ‘Salon book’, I unpacked 3 decades worth of stories and experiences. For better or worse, I never would have guessed the wealth of insight I’d gain. I was just a hairstylist after all….
I’m an observer by nature. And nurture. Growing up in a volatile environment will do that. Oh, the self-defense tools and survival skills that were ingrained early on. Hard won and damn near impossible to deprogram. But ya know, now I consider most of em an asset. Regardless of my lizard brain and the constant state of fight or flight running amok, they’ve been handy little tools. I see coincidences, underlying meanings, and connections where other people may not. I see common threads between the volumes of stories I’ve been privy too and the various personalities I’ve spent time with. I pay attention. I connect the dots.
My visit down memory lane triggered a lot of resentment in how I’ve let myself be treated, the anger I have towards people’s bad behavior, and the pet peeves I’ve become so self-righteous about that allows me to push others out of my life. And in all my complaining, bitching, judging – the universe served me a heaping bowl of “Yea, YOU too lady!” A recent horoscope from DailyOM (www.dailyom.com) begged the question “Ask yourself if others are simply reflecting your internal feelings back to you.” Touché! We usually hate in others what we don’t like about ourselves. The damn proverbial mirror once again. So here I am, wondering “Am I THAT client?”
Most days, I make the effort not to be an ahole – to be patient when the guy in front of me is taking an hour to pick out his 500 scratch tickets, when the oblivious lady is blocking the meat counter checking crap off her list while I wait to grab what I need, or when the guy in the Subaru, whom I let cut, didn’t give the wave. That doesn’t mean I don’t mutter under my breather “for fucks sake” at the people oblivious to their surroundings. I am all too quick to give the finger to THAT guy who didn’t give the wave or the cyclist who is clearly not following the rules of the road (when I’m not in my bff’s car, that is, cause I’m not allowed). I just try to remember to be courteous, to be aware of my surroundings, to not be an entitled ahole especially to those who are working their asses off for mere pennies while dealing with the Karen’s of the world. Greet the person helping you. And when they ask you “How are you?”, ask them the same.
I show up on time and If I’m running late, it isn’t because I stopped at Starbucks on the way (and if that’s your habitual self, get your stylist something too for Pete’s sake. Btw, who is Pete?) And since I’m an introvert, I WANT to reschedule every appointment I make and stay home, but I don’t. I’ve learned that if you don’t value someone’s time, you can’t expect them to do the same.
Ms. Sanctimonious ova here!
I talk OVER people. I talk AT people. I’m busy queuing up my next talking point as you pour out your heart. I’m self-righteous and judgmental. I’m a know it all. I am impatient, unforgiving, and in case you missed it, Sanctimonious! Let’s just add all that to the list of lessons still not learned and bad habits yet to be broken. It’s never ending, isn’t it? But the work we do on ourselves, the self-evaluations and the mirrors we take the time to look in, is ultimately what matters most.
We’re all capable of being the worst versions of ourselves. I exorcised the “Karen” inside me a long time ago. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I remember how I treated others and behaved in the past. I do have a little “Linda” left in me, but don’t we all. We all have the monumental task of unfucking ourselves and treating each other better, despite what we’ve been or are currently going through. We all suck sometimes, we have shitty days, we mess up, we don’t show up, we don’t always give the wave. And that’s OK! We apology, we try better next time….
